Yesterday, pretty much like it’s been for the past few days I cried my eyes out.
What’s the difference, you ask. Only this time I think I should be actually doing something about it. It is hard for any one in the medical profession to actually acknowledge the fact that we are depressed and need help. Had a really long talk with the best friend which finally resulted in two things.
One, I am going to talk to the power that be’s (PTB)about the work situation here. It is hard for me to do this because of the work ethic instilled that says that when needed you pitch in and work and do your best with what you have and keep going. Plus there are a lot of moral and spiritual issues that well, complicate the issue. Anyway. The less said about that the better. But this way of functioning.. of doing 36 hour duties with 12 hours off all through the week and then when it comes to the weekend to do 60 hours, yes , you read that right, 60 hours at a stretch is really killing me. I am changing from the nearly always happy and upbeat person that I was all my life into a weepy, unhappy person who hates the thought of the next day . I wake up in the morning and I am tired. I don’t want to get out of bed and once I am up, since I am on call from 8, is my mid morning call from the parents and the niece. Then there’s the around 2 oclock call and the calls at night from my sister and my friends. I seem to live from call to call.
This has to stop.
The other thing that I have realised I should do is probably start anti depressants. Yeah I should. I should also be getting professional help.Yes.But today I will talk to the PTB about this. And see what he says.Somehow I don’t think the response will be anything that will help me. Or is that my depression speaking.Anyway .
Will post again after my talk with the PTB/ after the next cryin bout. Heh.
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